A "dreamy" Taney fishing report...

[Terry Beeson]

The future of my fishing was certainly dependant on the results of an MRI on my knee which I received last Thursday afternoon. The results – I have a “meniscus tear” which means the cartilage in my knee where the upper bones rest is torn causing a great deal of pain.

I interpreted this to mean I should go fishing, so I began to plan my next trip.

But, Friday evening, my wife insisted that I needed to rest my knee by sitting on the couch most of the weekend and that she had a long list of things I could do to occupy my time. The first on the list was folding the laundry as she got it out of the dryer. I let her know that under no circumstances was I going to spend my weekend folding laundry.

So, a few minutes later I’m on the couch folding laundry, when she comes in and inquires why my fly fishing stuff was sitting by the door. I told her that I was going fishing whether she liked it or not and to get over it. She informed me that I was going to stay right there in the house and rest my knee while she set up an ironing board in front of the couch which almost blocked the TV if she hadn’t lowered it to a level equal to my position on the couch.

I asked her just what that was for and while she plugged in the iron, she informed me that I was to rest my knee while doing the ironing in between folding the clothes. I let her know right then and there that there was no way that was going to happen. That was woman’s work and I refused to do it!

So, I’m sitting there ironing her jeans, with just the right amount of starch, when she brings me my medicine. I gladly took the two pain killers as my pain was moving from my knee to a couple of feet north.

After taking the pills, I continued ironing her nursing scrubs when she came in the room to let me know she was going to the store and asked if I needed anything. After giving her a list of basic necessities from the four basic food groups – coffee, Crown Royal, Cheetos, and cookie dough ice cream – she left me on the couch assuming I would continue ironing and folding.

Much the contrary, I saw this as my ticket to freedom so I sat back to watch an episode of Andy Griffith and begin plotting my escape to Taney.

I arrived at the parking lot above chute 2 just after Leonard had headed home and a couple of hours before the snaggers started to line up below the outlet. The cover of darkness was perfect for my situation as my wife would probably come home from the store, fall asleep and never notice I was gone.

I rigged up my 16 foot 1 wt before stumbling down the steps to the edge of the water. I was alone there, standing in my knee-high swim trunks and fleece sweat shirt. I stepped in the water to get my bare legs out of the cold wind that was blowing. Cold water feels good on my knee. Man, some guys are wimps….

I had rigged my line with a “Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak” 4X tapered leader tied with a double-triple-bloody-surgeons-davy knot to a tippet I made myself from a 16 inch strand from a zipper spider’s web found in my back yard. To this I had tied my world famous super top secret “Trout Meth” fly constructed of Ivory-Billed Woodpecker biots, a dubbing blend of pig footed bandicoot hair, ground up moth wings, and my beard hair dyed with a mixture of polk berry juice and royal fucia craft paint.

The size 34 hook was difficult to tie under the lights of my shoulder mounted dilithium crystal LED light. But with my 2-20 power zoom backlit jewelers visor, I managed to get a super-improved clinch-in-a-cinch knot to hold my fly on the tippet and began high sticking the seam just in front of me.

The current was a bit swift, the cloud cover dense, and the visibility was null and void. So I reached in my bag and brought out my Bolle Polarized Superman Xray Underwater Night Vision sunglasses, which lit up the bed of Taneycomo like the inside of the Grand Casino – Tunica.

Not to be unsportsmanlike, I flipped the shades to the top of my cap when I reached the area I wished to fish. The seam looked to be sweet and the anticipation of a big huge brown possessed me body and soul.

A bit later, just after the spine-numbing squawk of a Heron upstream and a deafening splash from the tail of one of the local beavers downstream, I felt something on the back of my left leg. I quickly turned, but found nothing there. But as soon as I turned back to my fishing, there it was again… tapping on the back of my thigh… as if to say… “I’m here to get you…” In the darkness, all alone on the river, blackness of the inner-most sanctions of a five mile deep cavern….

Visions of the Taneycomo Giant Man Eating Squid began to take over my emotions as I felt the tap…. Tap… tap…. Again and again. At this point, it began to wrap itself around the calf of my leg just below the knee…

My heart pounding, I mustered up all my courage and, in an attempt at death-defying self-defense, began to thrash the creature at my feet with every fiber in my body hammering away over the back of my shoulder with my 1 wt Winston rod… did I mention it was an antique Winston handmade bamboo rod? After a sever thrashing of about 78 licks with my rod, which was now in 79 individual pieces, I discovered the “Taneycomo Giant Man Eating Squid” was actually my landing net, which was bungeed to my belt….

Of course, that was after I did manage to catch and release unharmed 137 fish (by the count on my rod mounted handy-dandy clicker counter) all of which were 24 inches or better, the largest being a 46 pound brown that escaped my net while I struggled to call MDC to verify my catch.

I would have photo proof of all this, however, I dropped my camera phone with the pictures of the mammoth brown while trying to tackle him before he got away. Well, that and the fact that the memory in my digital camera was full of pictures of our last trip to Graceland, which we have yet to download on the computer at home…

It was at this point that my wife returned from the store and woke me from my short, but eventful nap.

She handed me a big bowl of potatoes and a potato peeler, but I told her you would never catch me peeling any potatoes anytime, anywhere..…..

So, while I’m peeling those potatoes, I thought I’d write this down for you guys to enjoy…

[Danoinark]

Now Beeson I knew that had to be a dream:

#1 All of that stuff would not have fit in that manbag you carry.

#2 Your wife's new initals would be LMH :ph34r:

Dano

[Leonard]

OH MY GOSH!!!!

I think we need to go get Terry....

I think fishing fever is setting in on him....

Terry... talk your wife into bring you down... I'll bring a chair for you to set in and a stool to prop up your leg.... Ice packs, heat pack, Crown (to help with the pain)....

Shoot If anything I'll cast the rods and hand it to you and you can strip them in...

just say when buddy!!!

Leonard

[Zach Bearden]

Now thats a friend for ya! Can I come with you??? lol im in Oklahoma! I agree with the crown and cheetos (only if there the hot kind!) And I want some of your cookie dough ice cream :-( will you share with me?

[Randall]

gotta love the vikadin mixed with alcohol

[mizzouflyfisher]

I tore my meniscus when I was around 13. Talk about a crappy future. I'm 23 now and my knee still hurts and swells up. Anyway, good luck with the knee and compiling your short stories for your future book.

Mizzouflyfisher

[gonefishin]

The results – I have a “meniscus tear” ...... causing a great deal of pain.

YIKES Terry. That sounds horrible and downright nasty. I asked my Dr about it and he said that was one of the worst things that could happen to a guy. This type of thing is just the reason they tell you that you should always use protection. Now that it is to late for protection is there a shot or vaccine or anything they can do for you?

[Terry Beeson]

Had surgery five years ago for the same thing. I'm waiting on my medical records from Jonesboro on that before the Orthopedic Surgeon here will look at it. And now I find out the request is there, but the medical records person doesn't come in until FRIDAY!!!.... AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[MrDucky]

OK, I realize this is now a few months old, and I am just now getting to read it, but I have a few thoughts of my own, in light of more recent posts.

#1. Apparently, Terry has ALWAYS shunned vegetables! There isn't one in his four food groups! (Although I am pretty sure cookie dough ice cream counts as a dairy, and increases your calcium, so that's a good one!)

#2. Leonard was trying to recruit for his "stripping" business. He offered to cast and let Terry do the stripping!

#3. Harry Potter mania is everywhere!

[LostMyWife]

Now Beeson I knew that had to be a dream:

#1 All of that stuff would not have fit in that manbag you carry.

#2 Your wife's new initals would be LMH :ph34r:

Dano

That was on day 2, how'd I miss that. LMH indeed.

Terry, first time I read this post. Laughed til I cried.

LMW