Father Question

[MrDucky]

Well im new at this father thing and will be legally adopting my son Devon . He is 8 now and rides the bus to second grade , Today he informed that another boy today has been calling him some not so nice names . My first thought Punch the kid in the nose , But a 38 yr old and a 10 yr old fight would not be good . (I know i could take the 10 yr old , he is not that big ) Anyways my question is , How should i handle this . i have told my son he will meet nice and not so nice kids . I know on the forums here there are alot of people that have kids and im looking for some advice

[Danoinark]

Jon

Its always best to start at the source Ask to speak to the bus driver first and see if he can resolve the issue. He probably is not aware of it. If you don't get any satisfaction then, call the school principal. Usually these things can be handled by just speaking with those in authority.

I'd try this first.

Dano

[Thom]

Be sure that you document everything you do in relation to contacting the school. I was involved with a simular problem with my daughter who was being bullied by a child on the bus.

I would write a letter to the principal and the school bus company detailing the problem and send it registered mail. Keep a copy. Demand that the situation be handled immediatelly and and that your privacy be maintained. They are required by law to deal with such situations and if their feet are held to the fire will. If you don't keep documentation they will weinie out on you and leave you holding the bag. Often the child being bullied becomes the accused agressor if you don't keep a record of what you have done. Believe me registered mail gets their attention.

In the case of my daughter the girl followed her off the bus and began pushing her. Carol told her three time to stop and then finally turned around and decked her. The bully didn't know that Carol's brothers were both state class wreslers and had shown her how to defend hereself. I wouldn't advise this approach except as a last resort. Fortunatelly there were witnesses (adults who saw the incident). When she got home I immediately went to the parent of the girl with Carol and told them what occured. The mother was grateful and thanked me for coming to her first. She handeled it and the whole thing ended. Unfortunatelly lots of parents today are not that easy to deal with.

This is a big problem in schools today.

[Terry Beeson]

Thom... you second to last sentence speaks volumes. Parents have a "not my kid" attitude when it comes to these things. You must be very careful when dealing with parents, especially if you do not know them very well.

I've been in similar situations myself and going to the authorities is the key here. Thom's use of registered mail is a good one, although I've never had to use that. Recently, there was some "name calling" that went on with my step-daughter at a sleep-over. The girls are all into horses and have their horses at a stables run by a lady who they all look up to. Well, Cindy made a call to this lady and she asked each girl about it and long story short, the girls are back in good graces with each other.

I guess what I'm saying is that having some sort of "arbitrator" is the best recourse in a situation like this.

Of course, decking the kid would feel good until the cops put you in jail...

[Thom]

The decking occured in 1987 and was in self defence. Carol was in tears when she told me about it. Things are much different now and I wouldn't recommend it today unless absolutely necessary. The victim in our society is often made the villan. Every notice in sports events the player that slams the other player back usually gets the penality.

It is as you said great to work things out with an arbitrator if possible and the parents must work together to solve the problem.

I usually start out my conservation "...problally both kids are a little wrong" and go from there. It gives the parent of the offender a chance to save face. You will quickly find out if that course is the way to go. If not end the conversation and go through the authorities.

Keep written records for CYA and don't use them unless you are forced into it.

I worked in the inner city (St. Louis) for years with youth and learned if you can difuse the situation and talk it out Kids often hug, apologize, and often become best friends. Do it privately with another adult witness preferably parents or another counsler and keep everything quiet. If ego's become involved it is more difficult any problem.

[Danoinark]

I deal with this daily in that some school kids are referred to my office when they both have been fighting. You have law enforcement who cite both kids no matter who started it. We have to weed through the actual events to get the RIGHT story. Tain't easy McGee.

Dano