I can’t get no satisfaction

[Phil Lilley]

“I can’t get no satisfaction. But I’ve tried and I’ve tried and I’ve tried and I’ve tried. I can’t get no satisfaction.”

Maybe Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are fishermen.

But allow me to preface with a personal story.

Back in the 80s and 90s, I played in a band. The bass player and I were co-workers at the time and formed the band one day at lunch. Buck was a good bass player and we enjoyed several years together playing clubs, festivals, and parties on the weekends.

But Buck couldn’t “get no satisfaction.”

It seemed every time we would get together for a rehearsal to learn a new song, Buck would have a new piece of equipment of some kind. A new amp, guitar, speaker, strap, or some “new and improved” item was introduced to us during these practice sessions. As soon as Buck would announce his new toy, he would inevitably comment that he really liked this one, but “If I only had ‘brand B’ or ‘model X’ I would be ‘perfectly happy.’”

“Perfectly happy.” How many of us have ever achieved this status?

As folks who enjoy the art of angling, we are more apt to be in a state of discontent to some degree at all times. I am unaware of any of my fishing buddies who would even attempt false admission that they are totally at ease with their fishing life. There is always a new rod, exotic location, bait, boat, gadget, or other object of desire in our hearts.

Plato wrote in “The Republic” that “Necessity is the mother if invention.” Obviously, Plato was not a fisherman.

In my youth, I was “perfectly happy” with my Zebco 33 reel and fiberglass Eagle Claw rod, casting a hook impaling a worm or shiner under a split shot with a red and white plastic bobber an acceptable distance above the bait. I sat on the bank in my jeans, tee shirt, and Red Ball sneakers. I had no boat, a few choice artificial baits, and a Western Auto bicycle that took me to all the “exotic” fishing locations within a two mile radius of my home.

I caught fish and enjoyed every outing with anticipation of the next trip to the water. Yes, I can say with much certainty that at that point in my fishing life, I was “perfectly happy.”

Now some forty years later, I have trouble recalling my first instance of “angler envy.” Maybe it was the first time I saw my childhood hero casting a fly rod to a school of feeding bass. Or it could have been my first trip to the Blass sporting goods section. Crossing Lake Dardanelle at the bridge on highway 64 and seeing the sleek boats cruising for fish comes to mind. Weekly episodes of George Purvis on Arkansas Outdoors and Jerry McKinnis on his show with film of great fishing in other parts of Arkansas certainly gave me reason to ponder other fishing venues. Then, of course, there was Curt Gowdy fishing those places around the world that I could only dream about.

Regardless of the time or event, I have been forever hooked on the desire for bigger, better, or just different. I am excited as the winner of a new car on “The Price Is Right” when I open my mailbox and find a new fishing catalog. I jump to the “gear review” section of each outdoor magazine I receive. I make trips to my favorite fly shops just to see what “new and improved” goodies they have on the shelves. And I admit I hear “voices” when I pass the Fish Pond vests and Winston rods in those shops.

But necessity? What is “necessary” about the vast majority of items we have in our angling supply inventory? Do we really have to have the bells and whistles to catch more fish? Or is it true that generally these items were designed not to catch fish, but rather to catch the fisherman?

Many gadgets are touted as being designed to give the angler an advantage. I am at a loss as to whether this advantage is over the fish or the other fishermen. Of course, there is the possibility it is really to give the maker the advantage over his competition. I suspect that much of the hype is aimed simply at getting the angler’s dollar into the hands of the manufacturer or distributor.

But, I am still searching for that item that truly gives me any real edge. That does nothing to stop me from pointing at a new item in the most recent catalog and telling my wife, “I need one of those.” Of course, she, being the more pragmatic one, just answers with a groan of displeasure. She also realizes that my “kid in a candy store” expression will soon pass when I finally think things out and grasp the difference between “need” and “desire.”

Several years ago, I pulled my boat into the launch area of a small lake close to my home just as a brand new SUV with a sleek new bass boat in tow was backing down the ramp. As he let the fiberglass craft equivalent to a water bound Ferrari drift into the lake, I struck up a conversation with the owner. He was happy to cover all the bells, whistle, and advantages of his vessel which cost as much as my boat, motor, trailer, truck, and home all together.

I drooled at the four tackle boxes organized by soft plastics, plugs, spinners, and jigs. I counted twelve rods of various lengths and styles. A depth finder, fish graph, AM/FM stereo, computerized trolling motor, and electric anchor winch were all within the confines of his new toy. Soft padded seats seemed to be everywhere. And there was enough storage space to keep the entire inventory of most bait and tackle shops. I began to calculate budget cuts that would allow me to make the payments on such a rig on my current wages.

I needed one of those boats.

He then commented that my dented aluminum john boat with only a trolling motor and one plastic boat seat would probably be just fine to fish this lake.

How true he spoke.

As I launched my boat, he cranked up the big 225 horse motor, turned his cap backwards, gave me a wave, and sped off to the other end of the lake. The lake was small enough that the trip only lasted less than 20 seconds. He then darted from one spot to another, throwing up a huge rooster tail for the five second ride to his new promising spot.

While observing this, I lowered my trolling motor into the water and began my slow cruise around the lake’s perimeter. Cast after cast, I would inch around the edge dragging bass from brush, stumps, and logs as I went. After a few casts, I would hear the big engine fire up and move again. I admit I was envious of such a nice piece of equipment. I wanted my neighbors to stare in envy at an equally first-rate boat in my carport.

As I returned to the ramp and began to load my boat onto the trailer, the big motor cranked one last time and headed en route to the same ramp. He was walking to his SUV as I was pulling out and I stopped to pick up more conversation. We traded short fishing stories and I found that the number and size of bass I had landed and returned to the water was higher than his. In fact, in one spot he bragged about pulling a couple of three-pounders after one of his longer stays, I had come behind him a few minutes later and landed three more bass. One of these weighed four and one five pounds.

He then asked where he could get some gas for his rigs and I told him to get his boat loaded and follow me to my sister’s store where he could fuel his boat and SUV. I waited while he ran the boat onto the trailer, strapped it down, and opened and closed every storage unit door on the rig twice, putting up rods, tackle boxes, and various other items scattered about the floor of his boat. Eventually everything was in place and strapped down and we were on our way to the store.

As he pumped gasoline into the boat, we traded a couple more stories and favorite fishing spots. Watching the numbers roll by on the gas pump, my envy for his equipment began to fade with every gallon and dollar.

The “desire” in my heart quickly faded into oblivion. It was a lesson that sticks with me today. Well, for the most part anyway. Like a lonely puppy, the envy keeps coming back again and again.

And those that make and sell fishing equipment keep raising the bar. Every year I view the “new and improved” offerings. And every year there is another “latest and greatest” to covet. A new rod is just a bit stronger and will cast a bit farther. A new bait has a bit more wiggle to attract a few more fish. More comfort. More room. Less aggravation. Less wasted time. Better. Improved. The best. The fastest. The slowest. I even noticed a recent ad for a rod that bragged “The perfect rod defined.” I have my doubts.

I am still longing for the perfect fishing vest. I continue the quest for the ideal waders. I am hopelessly in pursuit of the perfect rod. Will I ever find the guaranteed fish catching fly or lure? What company will develop the line that will be frictionless enough to allow me to cast a mile to cover more water faster? Where is that leader material that is less than one-thousandths of an inch in diameter with a 50 pound tensile that is truly invisible to fish? When will someone invent a “transporter” boat that will instantly take me from the dock to my favorite fishing spot some five miles away? Maybe Lowrance, G Loomis, and Mustad will combine forces and develop the first “Automatic Fish Catcher” that will instantaneously find the biggest fish, hook him, and bring him to your hand.

When they do, I want one. I will be “perfectly happy.”

Honestly, if only I was nine again with my Western Auto bicycle, Eagle Claw rod, and Zebco 33 reel, I would be “perfectly happy.”

It would do my heart good to see someone in the middle of a big BASS tournament in a simple john boat with a 10 horse motor heading out well behind the screaming bass rigs and find in the newspaper the next morning a headline reading “FISHERMAN WINS BASS TOURNAMENT WITH A WORM AND A CANE POLE.”

Until then, I will be like Diogenes. Only instead of searching for an honest man, I will be searching for the perfect fishing gear.

Methinks Diogenes has the upper hand.

[Crippled Caddis]

Hold that lamp high Ol' Son!

Good'un Terry!!!

[Kansas Fly Fisher]

Another great one Terry! How true the words ring home. BTW; let me know when you find that automatic fishing catching machine.

John

[jjtroutbum]

[jcoberley]

Very few of us are happy with what they have. I have been there and done that. It wasn't untill the last 3 or 4 years that I became content with my old car, guitar, rod and reel, tackle box and such. well the list grow on but you get the point. I have found that If I wait and buy what I really want it cost a lot less than buying the one that I dont want but would work and later purchasing the one I really wanted to start with. So now I save my coins and wait untill I can get the one I really want. More people need to try this it works!

[Dutch]

NO NO NO it's the guy who dies with the most toys who wins.

[gonefishin]

HMMMM, I thought it was they guy who caught the most fish wins....

[The Caddis]

Very nice. I know my wife cringes when the new catalogs and magazines arrive showcasing the latest and greatest.

[timsfly]

My neighbors are mostly envious of my 10' canoe and my kayak. Their bass boats cost much more to run.

[Snow Fly]

Timsfly:

What type of kayak do you have?