Mother's Dirty Joke # 1

[rps]

Mother’s Dirty Joke Number One

 

After a long career abroad, Father Mulcahey was recalled to Ireland by his order. He left the mission in Africa with sadness, but obediently reported to his Bishop for a new assignment.

         “Francis, you have served the order well, and we feel the time has come to reward you with an assignment closer to your home.”

         “Ah, well, hardly anyone even remembers me there now that mum and sis are gone. What is it you would have me do?”

         “Francis, we need you to handle a delicate teaching position. You know we revived Saint Anne’s as an inner-city girl’s school, correct?”

         The white haired priest nodded but tried to keep any surprise from his face.

         “Then you also know that we are trying to use “old school” ways to fight off the influences of all this modern culture?”

         Francis nodded once more.

         “We think that you, with your experience, are well suited to teach at Saint Anne’s and to serve as assistant headmaster. We would like for you to start with this fall’s term. Will you accept the posting?”

         “Of course, your Excellency. What will I be teaching?”

         “Please, Francis, my name is John. We would like for you to teach life and earth sciences. You are obviously qualified in those areas, and I think you can do the girls some good.”  

         “As you desire, your Excellency.”

***

         On the first day of classes, Father Mulcahey braced himself and briskly strode into the first hour class. There he found a sea of curious faces waiting to see their new old school priest. All were clad in Peter Pan collar blouses, plaid skirts, and Mary Janes. Still, Father Mulcahey knew no one would mistake this lot for the girls of his youth. One girl had what looked like an Insane Clown Posse t shirt peeking from under her blouse. Another had ears that looked as if the piercing machine were an automatic weapon.  On a third, Father Mulcahey thought the green hair was a mistake with the red and blue plaid.

         Placing his notes and text on the lectern, he referred to his seating chart and began immediately.

“Mary Margret, please stand up.” Four young women stood.

         “No, just the first one on the left.” Three sat.

         “Mary Margaret, what part of the human anatomy, when exposed to the correct stimulus, will expand seven times?”

         The young lady first looked stricken. Then Father Mulcahey noticed a blush begin to creep up from her collar. Soon her face was suffused in red, and she looked down. Father Mulcahey feared he even heard a stifled giggle. Father Mulcahey quickly decided he did not want her to answer.

         “Mary Margaret, please sit down. Ann Marie, please stand up.”

         The freckle faced lass with green hair stood up.

         “Tell us, Ann Marie, what part of the human anatomy, when exposed to the correct stimulus, will expand seven times?”

         Beaming at the priest, the young woman gestured with her finger as she answered.

         “Why Father, that would be the pupil of the human eye.”

         “Very good, Ann Marie. Please sit down. Mary Margaret, please stand back up.”

         The original victim hesitantly rose.

         “Mary Margaret, I have but three things to say to you. First, you didn’t do the reading. Second, you have a dirty mind. And last, you are in for a life of bitter disappointment.”