Fine Dining Flop

[rps]

Tonight my wife and I joined her brother and his wife for a meal at a fine dining establishment in Portsmouth, N.H. I realize few of you will ever have occasion to eat out in Portsmouth and do not need to be warned away. However, the experience illustrates several common problems I see in the food business.

My comments are based upon two visits to the place as we ate there last year with the same couple. It is one of their favorite places.

The pluses:

Very nice location in historic Portsmouth down in the seaside section called strawberry bank. The place is a house (two stories) converted for food service with a nice patio al fresco area and a handsome bar as you walk in. Hardwood walls and booth predominate and the seating was comfortable.

The wine, beer, and spirits list was broad but not overwhelming and the prices fair.

Both times our hosts reserved the table that looks into the open kitchen, and frankly I enjoy that. The staff seemed well coordinated and productive in a small kitchen and courses seemed to go out on time and without holding under heat lamps.

The appetizer list looked very good and had a broad range. Both times out group chose the charcuterie platter and I must admit it was excellent. Headcheese, rabbit terrine, wild boar sausage, duck pastrami, two different Italian imported sausages, coarse ground mustard, fruity and onion pickles and compotes, and three excellent cheeses. That offering alone would be a reason to revisit. Sadly, it was downhill from there.

The downsides:

The person that designed the menu has fallen victim to the "experimental, gluten free, and politically correct bug." The choices included ginger whipped carrots, edamame and zucchini fries, quinoa littered everywhere, whipped Peruvian purple potatoes, and more than one entree labeled gluten free. Oddly, honey and agave were considered good things for vegetables. The meats looked good - duck, hanger steak, chicken three ways (roasted, confit, and sausage), and lamb sirloin. The only real potatoes on the menu came with the chicken and were called potatoes mille-feuille. Ok a thousand layers; I knew what that meant; a variety of scalloped potatoes also called Potatoes Dauphinoise. I ordered the chicken. The presentation, as with all the dishes served to the table, was exquisite.

The food was basically inedible. Instead of the traditional dairy and cheese to bind the very thinly sliced potatoes, the chef had used pure butter and plenty of salt. The layers slithered apart sideways when pressed with the fork. The chicken breast was way over-seasoned with salt and pepper. For anyone to put too much salt on a dish for me to like it means they rolled it in the Great Salt Lake desert. The sausage was over-spiced with what tasted to be simple cayenne. Please, if you are going to kick it up, please use something with flavor - chipotle, or serrano, or sriracha - something other than cayenne. The confit leg wasn't bad but was the size of a cornish hen leg. The piece d' resistance? Someone had strewn the plate with sweet glazed beet cubes. Do you have any idea how bad sweet glazed beets are? And way old cafeteria fare too.

I was unwilling to embarrass our hosts. I did not send the meal back. I ate over half of it. Right now, my stomach is reminding me the good manners need to have a limit.

By the way, the delightful entree I describe was $22.

Rant ended.

I give Mombo of Portsmouth 1 star and suggest you leave after the charcuterie plate that earned them that one star.

[jtram]

I believe there is a reason for your bad experience, its called liberalism, the general chain of thought in New England.... Makes everything suck.

[fishinwrench]

LMFAO!

Oh that was good!

[Flysmallie]

I've been in quite a few fine dining establishments all over the country, not by choice, and have never been impressed. I'd take the little hole that me, my dad and uncle went to in a little dive of a town in Mexico. They didn't speak English. We didn't speak Spanish. And everything was absolutely amazing. The presentation probably sucked but the service was over the top.

[fishinwrench]

I can't relax and enjoy eating in a fancy dining place. It's like eating at a preachers house.

"Oh my goodness, that man just spit ice back into his glass, how preposterous and crude! And he is eating his steak with a salad fork. I shall write a complaint".

[On The Fly 6]

I can't relax and enjoy eating in a fancy dining place. It's like eating at a preachers house.

"Oh my goodness, that man just spit ice back into his glass, how preposterous and crude! And he is eating his steak with a salad fork. I shall write a complaint".

Haha. Good stuff

[joeD]

Gawd, even worse. Reverse elitism.

"Just a toothless woman grilling fish on a make shift brazier in an alley in San Jicento. Absolutely sublime! Take THAT Thomas Keller!"

OMG! A taco truck just pulled up! I mean, they actually GROW their own tortillas!" Gotta go!

[Mitch f]

Restaurants are like reservoirs, the first few years are the best.

[joeD]

I am creating my own bitters out of foraged poison ivy and creek water.

It'll add a nice zing to your Old Fashioneds at your backyard celebration of your heirloom tomato harvest.

[joeD]

Whoopsies! Forgot to thank rps on his meticulous review of a New Hampshire restaurant.

Whew! That was close! ANY of us could have actually EATEN there!

Luckily, rps saved us the trouble. It took 500 or so words, but, in the end, he didn't like the place.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...