Just funny stuff

[Johnsfolly]

A young woman was waiting for the bus at a crowded bus stop. She was wearing a skin tight minidress. When the bus pulled up to the stop, she found that her dress was too tight and she could not lift her leg high enough to reach the step. She reached behind her and unzipped her dress a little to see if that would help. No she still could not reach the step. She unzipped a little more but again still not able to reach the step. Now she fully unzipped the zipper but again still could not reach the step. Suddenly the man behind her grabbed her around the waist and lifted her onto the bus steps. She was mortified and confronted the man. "How dare you touch me! I don't  even know you!" The man replied, "Since you unzipped my zipper three times, I would have thought that we were friends!"🤣

[Johnsfolly]

A young couple were invited to a Halloween costume party. The young man was dressed and ready to go. However the woman had a headache and told him to go on the party and she would stay home. After a hour her headache was gone. So she got dressed and headed to the party. When she got there she saw her husband dancing with several women. He was getting a little handsy and even getting kisses from his partners. Since he did not know what she was wearing, she decided to see how far he would go when she wasn't around. She easily cut in during the next dance. As before he was touching her all over and kissing her neck. She asked if he wanted more and he said yes. Since he was her husband she led him to a bedroom and they made passionate love. Afterwards she decided to leave the party to get home. She wanted to see what her husband would say when he got home.

When he got there she asked if he enjoyed the party and if he danced at all or if the party got wild. No said her husband. I didn't dance at all. In fact I went into a backroom to play poker with Bob and Steve and a couple other guys. So I really can't  say how good or wild the party was. I do know that the guy that I gave my costume to had a great night! 🤣

[Johnsfolly]

Three construction workers are sitting on a beam 75 stories above the street in an unfinished building having lunch.

The Italian man opens his lunchbox and finds a piece of pizza. "If I have to eat pizza again for lunch I am going to jump off this beam to my death!"

The Asian man opens his lunchbox and finds rice. "If I have to eat one more lunch of rice, I'm going to jump to my death!"

The blonde man opens his lunchbox and finds a cheeseburger. "If I have to eat another cheeseburger for lunch, I'm going to also leap to my death!"

The next day each man had the same lunches and all jumped and died on the street below. At the funeral the wife of the Italian and Asian men were crying saying that they could have prevented their husband's deaths if they had only known about the hatred of their lunches. They looked at the blonde man's wife and asked why she was not remorseful for the death of her husband. She said "Don't  look at me, he packed his own lunches!"🤣

[fishinwrench]

5 hours ago, Johnsfolly said:

Three construction workers are sitting on a beam 75 stories above the street in an unfinished building having lunch.

The Italian man opens his lunchbox and finds a piece of pizza. "If I have to eat pizza again for lunch I am going to jump off this beam to my death!"

The Asian man opens his lunchbox and finds rice. "If I have to eat one more lunch of rice, I'm going to jump to my death!"

The blonde man opens his lunchbox and finds a cheeseburger. "If I have to eat another cheeseburger for lunch, I'm going to also leap to my death!"

The next day each man had the same lunches and all jumped and died on the street below. At the funeral the wife of the Italian and Asian men were crying saying that they could have prevented their husband's deaths if they had only known about the hatred of their lunches. They looked at the blonde man's wife and asked why she was not remorseful for the death of her husband. She said "Don't  look at me, he packed his own lunches!"🤣

I fished with a guy one summer whose wife packed his lunches, and she was a "full bubble off from level".   One day he popped his cooler open and sat there digging at his sandwich looking puzzled.   I said, WTH are you doing?   

He had a sandwich with a bone-in pork chop....and the bread had peanut butter on it.    I said, Dude WTF is up with THAT?    

He shook his head and said "I don't know Glen, all I can tell ya is that she's good in bed.   Ok?   So just let it go".   😂      

[snagged in outlet 3]

45 minutes ago, fishinwrench said:

I fished with a guy one summer whose wife packed his lunches, and she was a "full bubble off from level".   One day he popped his cooler open and sat there digging at his sandwich looking puzzled.   I said, WTH are you doing?   

He had a sandwich with a bone-in pork chop....and the bread had peanut butter on it.    I said, Dude WTF is up with THAT?    

He shook his head and said "I don't know Glen, all I can tell ya is that she's good in bed.   Ok?   So just let it go".   😂      

Smart man!   I can cook and do my laundry 😁

[fishinwrench]

2 hours ago, snagged in outlet 3 said:

Smart man!   I can cook and do my laundry 😁

There is that👍 

And truth be known, I can do it more efficiently than my wife does.   I've told her probably 15 times to stop folding my underwear.   I said, if you want YOUR panties folded that's cool, go right ahead, but don't waste your time folding mine because to me that's pointless.    

Do you think she'll ever stop doing it?   No!    WTF is wrong with her???   If she said to me "don't bother rinsing your dishes off, just set them on the counter"  I would 100% comply.      I think she does $#!t like that just so she can further expand the list of things she does around the house.....so she can throw it in my face someday.    She even folds the GD dishrags.   

And as long as we're discussing things that are right/wrong/and don't matter..... What's the protocol at YOUR house about what gets hung on a hanger and what gets folded and put on a shelf or in a drawer?    Because things around here are retarded AF!   

 

[snagged in outlet 3]

My wife folds my underwear too.  But I figure if she’s doing it I don’t complain.  Same as cutting the grass.  She ran over a pile of rocks and ruined the blade I just bought a new blade.  
The stupid guy across the street went all ballistic when his wife ran over a sprinkler head that didn’t retract.  She never cut the grass again.  Since I don’t go into the office anymore I just wear tee shirts and shorts or jeans.  All go on a shelf or in a drawer.  But I wouldn’t complain if she hung them up.  Like I said.  I can do laundry. 😁.  Why ruin anything by opening my big mouth. How old are you?   I figured you’d have learned that by now. 

[fishinwrench]

3 hours ago, snagged in outlet 3 said:

 Why ruin anything by opening my big mouth. How old are you?   I figured you’d have learned that by now.

It's an affliction I've always had.   If you only knew how much better off my life could have been if I had just kept my thoughts to myself and minded my own business...... 

I just can't do it.  I think I would literally burst.  

[snagged in outlet 3]

3 hours ago, fishinwrench said:

It's an affliction I've always had.   If you only knew how much better off my life could have been if I had just kept my thoughts to myself and minded my own business...... 

I just can't do it.  I think I would literally burst.  

Reap what you sow I guess....

[Mitch f]