Just funny stuff

[N9BOW]

2 hours ago, Johnsfolly said:

do ya think....... if you grabbed that kitty by the neck......, like his Momma,...... he would go all limp and compliant?
me thinks not... worth a try though!

Bad Kitty!!!!...... and a tap on the nose for good measure as he/she (not sure of the gender pronoun here for puss puss) tries to sever your neck at the carotid.

[Johnsfolly]

A woman is having a bad day at the roulette table. She is down to her last $50. Exasperated she cries, "what am I going to do now?!?" The man next to her says, "I don't  know... Why not play your age?" and he walks away. Soon after he hears a great commotion back at the roulette table. Thinking that the woman may have won big, he heads back and pushes through the crowd. As he gets to the table he sees the woman unconscious on the floor with the table operator over her. "What happened? Is she alright?", asked the man. The operator responds, "I don't know. She placed all of her money on 29 and it came up 36. Then she just fainted."🤣

 

[Johnsfolly]

A husband and wife after 15 years of marriage go to a therapist. The therapist asks the couple what is the problem with their marriage. The wife goes on to mention a littany of issues, neglect, unattetentiveness to her needs, lack of support, overwhelmed keeping the house on her own,... After 15 mins of listening to her issues the therapist gets up and comes around the desk to the woman. He gets her to stand and then he embraces her and kisses her passionately. When he is done he turns to the husband and tells him that his wife needs this at least three times a week and asks if he could do that. The husband replies hesitantly, "Well I can bring her over on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I go fishing."🤣

[Johnsfolly]

A woman is in the kitchen getting ready to make some eggs for breakfast. After she cracks the eggs into the hot skillet her husband comes into the kitchen and stands next to her. "Is the pan too hot?!? Is it too hot?!? Shouldn't you turn it down? The edges are getting brown. I told you it was too hot! Did you salt the eggs yet? No. Then salt them! SALT THEM! SALT! WHERE'S THE SALT! You better turn them. TURN THEM BEFORE THE YOLK OVERCOOKS! Aren't they done yet?!?"

His wife is really upset and shouts "Why are to treating me this way?!? Do you think that I don't know how to cook a couple of eggs?!?

The husband replied, "I know you can cook eggs. I wanted you to feel what it is like everytime I drive us anywhere!"🤣

[Johnsfolly]

Ok so this one may get a warning but I think it's funny enough to post.

A man and his wife go to see the doctor. In the exam room the doctor asks the man what seems to be wrong. The man responds that he can no longer become aroused when he is with his wife and their sex life is suffering badly. The doctor exams the man and could not find anything wrong. He asks if his wife is in the wating room. The man confirms that she is out there. The doctor asks the mans wife to go into another examination room and to take off all of her clothes. The doctor looks at the woman. He asks her to raise her arms over her head and then to put them back down. He asks her to turn away from him and to stretch and touch her toes. Once she stands back up the doctor has her put her clothes back on and to go back out to the waiting room while he talks to her husband. Back in the examination room the doctor looks at the man and tells him that he is perfectly fine. The doctor admits that when he was with the man's wife he could not get aroused either. 🤣

[Johnsfolly]

[David Unnerstall]

[Johnsfolly]

A man and his wife went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. After the couple had a chance to look over the menu, the waiter came over and asked what they wanted. The husband said that they wanted the chicken surprise. When it was ready the waiter brought over a cast iron pot with a lid and set it down on the table. "Please Enjoy"

After the waiter left, the woman noticed the lid lift up and she saw two beady eyes looking around and just as quickly the lid closed. She said to her husband that something was wrong with their meal. As he was looking at the pot again the lid lifted slightly and he too saw the two beady eyes looking around.

He yelled for the Waiter. The waiter asked what was wrong and the man told him what they had seen. The waiter asked what they had ordered. The man responded that they ordered the chicken surprise.

"I'm so sorry!" said the waiter. "I brought you out the peeking duck!" 🤣

[FishnDave]

Its been months since I bought the book, "How to Scam People Online."

It still hasn't arrived yet.

[Johnsfolly]

The Titanic was built to last!

Let that sink in🤣