Just funny stuff

[Johnsfolly]

"Waiter my steak smells very strongly of liquor."

The waiter takes three steps back and asks "How's that now?"

[Mitch f]

[Quillback]

[liphunter]

[Quillback]

[Mitch f]

35 minutes ago, Quillback said:

Wa Wa Wa Waaaaaaaaaa

[Johnsfolly]

59 minutes ago, Quillback said:

Even for me this was a stretch😅

[Johnsfolly]

A fisherman and his wife had twins. As babies one would always face toward the sea and the other always would face away. Even when the were moved around they reorient themselves. So the couple nicknamed the one Towards and the other Away. When the boys were 10 yrs old, the fisherman said to his wife that they were old enough to fish with him. They agreed and he and the boys went out for a one week trip. After a week they did not come back. After another day no sign. Three days later the wife sees the man and his son dragging a gigantic fish. She has never seen such a big fish. She asks what happened. The fisherman said that they fished for a full week and got no fish. As they were getting ready to head back to Port this fish jumped up and swallowed Towards. I was able to hook the fish and battled it for three days. Once landed I was able to save our son. Again his wife mentioned that it such a big fish. The fisherman said if you think this fish was big you should have seen the one that got Away!🤣

 

[snagged in outlet 3]

My wife told to get in touch with my feminine side.   So I wrecked the car.  Then ignored her all day for no reason. 

[Johnsfolly]

Pretty sure this was in this mess somewhere but I tell it anyways😅

A Rabbi, a Hindu priest,, and a lawyer are traveling together and their car breaks down. They walk up to a farm house to see if they could stay the night. The farmer said Ok but there is only room for two in the house and the other must stay in the barn. The Rabbi said, "My people were tough enough to wander for 40 yrs in the desert, I will stay in the barn tonight." About 20 mins later there is a knock at the front door. The farmer answers. It's the Rabbi. He says "There is a pig in the barn and my people see these animals as unclean. I cannot stay in the barn tonight."

The Hindu priest said that he will sleep in the barn. 10 mins later another knock at the door. Irritated the farmer answers the door and there stands the Hindu priest. The priest states "There is a cow in the barn. My people consider the cow sacred. I cannot stay and sleep on sacred ground."

The lawyer says that he will go and stay in the barn. Again 10 mins goes by and there is another knock at the door. The angry farmer pulls open the door. Standing in the doorway was the pig and the cow. 🤣