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Posted

After pulling double shifts all week, two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "How would you do that?" "Just wait and see.", said the woman. As soon as the boss is looking in her direction, she then hangs upside down from the ceiling. Seeing her hanging there, the boss comes over and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, " I am a light bulb!" The boss thinking that she is going a bit crazy from working too much says, "I think that you need to take the rest of the day off." She gets down and heads for the door. The man starts to follow her out and the boss stops him and asks, "Where are you going?" The man replies, "I'm going home too. I can't be expected to work in the dark!" 🤣

Posted

An older man gets pulled over for speeding. The officer asks to see his license. The man responds in a huff. "I wish that you troopers would get your act together. Yesterday another officer took my license and now you want me to show it to you!" 🤣

Posted

Fyi the Holy Grail is on Netflix. Watching it now. Forgot how funny the witch scene was. "Who are you that is so wise in the ways of science?" 🤣

“To those devoid of imagination a blank place on the map is a useless waste; to others, the most valuable part.”--Aldo Leopold

Posted
5 hours ago, Ryan Miloshewski said:

Fyi the Holy Grail is on Netflix. Watching it now. Forgot how funny the witch scene was. "Who are you that is so wise in the ways of science?" 🤣

She turned me into a newt. You don't look like a newt. I got better🤣

What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladened swallow? What do you mean African or European? I don't know...AHHHH!

Posted
14 hours ago, Johnsfolly said:

She turned me into a newt. You don't look like a newt. I got better🤣

What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladened swallow? What do you mean African or European? I don't know...AHHHH!

"What do we burn outside of witches?" "....MORE WITCHES!!!"

“To those devoid of imagination a blank place on the map is a useless waste; to others, the most valuable part.”--Aldo Leopold

Posted

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this!' and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding, a reason I've never heard before– I'll let you go.."

The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Posted
1 hour ago, Quillback said:

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this!' and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding, a reason I've never heard before– I'll let you go.."

The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Knew this one but it is still very funny.

Posted

As a woman gets above the age of 50 yrs old there is a hormonal shift that makes her begin to buy cats. It's called many-paws 🤣

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